ACH!? Reflexively I swat at whatever just grazed my neck, then smack it with my pillow. I don’t bother to look at the clock but while I’m up I might as well make a visit to the restroom. Praise Jesus that I shut the bedroom door behind me, because when I open it again there is a black shadow flapping around the room. Bats creep the pants off me, and if this one had attacked me while I was peeing the outcome would have surely been disastrous.

I figured it was a cicada or something. Nasty as those monster bugs are, at least they aren’t a bat. Even bats are kind of cool, when they are behind glass or at least a good distance away. In your room in the middle of the night… that’s a different story. Little beady-eyed, winged demon mouse.

Like a ninny, and because I don’t know what else to do, I leave the door open and high tail it downstairs. Somebody left the light on in the living room and my wandering tormentor follows me. I figure it’s better to wake DK and Van Hizzle asking for help than it would be to wake up everyone by running through the house screaming. I still don’t know what time it is, but I feel bad flipping on their light and saying, “Hey, you guys have anything that’d be good for bat killing?” DK says “tennis racket!” then rolls over and promptly falls back asleep. Van Hizzle gives me a couple towels; I apologize for the trouble and slip back into the kitchen.

Batty McSatan is in the living room crawling around in his freakish bat way on one of the window screens. For a second I think I can maybe catch him off guard and whack him with a towel, but after a step towards the doorway he flips out and starts circling the room again. I’d forgotten about that whole sonar thing – so much for the element of surprise. I stand in the kitchen a couple minutes waiting for something helpful to enter my mind, when suddenly Batty veers towards the doorway and comes winging into the kitchen. I start running for the living room, and take a swing at him as he goes past my head. Naturally I miss, but I keep running and go straight to my room. Van Hizzle’s towels come in handy for blocking the cracks at the top and bottom of the door (I don’t know why this would ever be necessary but it seems like a good idea).

I wake up Junior to let him know there’s a bat wandering the house, since he’ll probably be first out of bed in the morning. It’s a little after 4 when I fall shaking into my bed. What have I learned this morning? I am a pathetic excuse for a farm boy. I’m scared of a bat, which means I’d be scard of birds if birds were furry and had creepy finger-wings and fangs. Any self respecting farm kid would have waited in the bedroom doorway for that measly bat, smacked it out of the air with his bare hands, and stomped it into a rodent scented pulp. I, however, am a pampered little sissy boy, and unless the rental office responds quickly to the repair request I will make tomorrow… I may never sleep soundly again.

Stupid window with its half of a screen and a big space at the top. Stupid hole closet with shoddily finished paneling and plenty of bat-friendly gaps. Good thing my first class isn’t until 2 in the afternoon, I think to myself as I watch 4:30 go past with the heart rate of a toddler who’s been attacked by a panther.

Ah, the fantastic joy that is autumn in Ohio. A solid week of “no chance it’s going to get hot enough to swim” weather before you move back to school, and then a nice 90 degree air-conditionerless slap in the face. Welcome back, students!

I don’t want to go to law school. I never did, but off and on the results of a juris doctor degree sound appealing. Which, as a result, is kind of the same as wanting to go to law school. Suddenly it’s senior year, and I still want to do what it is I’ve planned on doing, and I’m sure I’ll find a job when I graduate. It’s what I’ll be doing 20 years down the road that has me wondering if I should do some more planning ahead while I’m tangled in this whole college thing. Will I wish I had gone to law school? Crap.

I just finished reading In, But Not Of by Hugh Hewitt and it was a good book. As expected, Mr. Hewitt is pretty demanding in his advice to would-be leaders and influencers of future society. So you’re left with a tough juggling act, wondering specifically what God did drop you into the mix for. Am I supposed to accomplish big things – or REALLY big things – with my life? Hard to decide whether calling it quits after 4 years of school and going out into the business world would be selling myself short. Hard to decide whether trying to go to law school and then do who knows what in the world would be a vast misstep in arrogance and personal expectations.

It doesn’t help that I think maybe I want to be hypereducated as a means of making up for my doofus-ness. Lots to think and pray about here…

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 4, Ohio State 3

I won’t lie, this one looked bad at first. Real bad. The Redhawks didn’t really seem to care; lots of sloppy passes, getting beat to the puck. Ohio State’s first goal was short-handed, and that of course was no better. It took the better part of the first period, but Miami got some momentum going, started taking care of the puck, and answered to enter the second tied 1-1.

Once both teams got moving (which, like I said, took Miami awhile for some reason), tonight’s game turned into a great one. The Buckeyes struck again in the second, but again Miami answered before the period was out. The Redhawks did not take as many shots as usual but this was ok because they scored when they had to. Control of the ice was a continued struggle for the entire game, and when Miami scored midway through the third period OSU answered again to tie things up.

With less than two minutes remaining in sudden-death overtime, Michael put one in for the Hawks during a power play to seal the deal. One of the best games I’ve seen; beatiful goals by both teams, great performances by both goalies, an all-around exciting matchup. Final score: Miami 4, Ohio State 3.

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 5, Western Michigan 2

Excellent game! The Redhawks controlled the ice for a majority of the game, and although WMU’s goalie had a great night Miami put in 5. Ok, they put in 4, and then the 5th “goal” was granted after the Broncos commited a penalty during an open-net breakaway. Still – 4 goals is not bad. There was a lot of checking, but not too many penalties. The game went fast and the Hawks had a lot of shots and it was a good time.

Western Michigan scored 2 goals on less than a dozen shots, but Crawford-West played well… the shots that got through were pretty nasty ones. Probably the high point of the game was Miami’s 4th goal: a beautiful pass to the top of the crease, slapped right into the corner of the net. It sealed the deal and was just so dang pretty. Final: Miami – 5; Western Michigan – 2. A dose of redemption from an unfortunate tie the night before.

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 2, Nebraska-Omaha 2

This game seemed long, partly because of the overtime but mostly because of the girl standing right next to us talking about the player she had sex with. For, seriously, the whole friggin game. It was ever-so-delightful and not in the least disgusting. No, but really, I wish she would have either have stayed at home or become mute.

Nebraska-Omaha’s goalie had an unbelievable game. Tons of saves; and we’re not exactly talking about a few crummy shots per quarter. The Redhawks played well and kept the puck at the Mavericks’ end of the ice for what seemed like 85% of the game but it wasn’t enough. After a scoreless first period, Nebraska-Omaha put one in early in the second. Miami scored after several minutes and then took a 2-1 lead towards the end of the period. Unfortunately, they were unable to extend the lead and when UNO scored again in the third this proved costly. The overtime period was more of the same; Redhawks maintaining control most of the time but unable to get anything past the Mavericks’ goalie. Tie, 2-2.

it’s hard to write when the only point i feel like getting across is that i haven’t got much worth saying. i like to write but can only do it well when i’ve got something good that i have to get down before it slips out of my mind. there is an article i originally considered weeks ago and would love to throw together to post right now. there’s a lot i might say but i don’t know how and right now, it’s just not there. it probably will be later, when i’m trying to fall asleep, and i hate that. i have ideas to get across and a desire to do so and yet… nothing.

this must be that nagging reminder of my insufficiency, creeping up on me again. nagging in the same way a lion is a nagging reminder to the antelope that he’s tired and is about to be eaten. i feel my inability when i first wake up in the morning: soo… a day of class, and i’ll talk to maybe three people outside this house, and probably put off what little work i should do, and then repeat. soon the usual distractions get the day spinning, but again when i go to bed i remember that i’m useless at doing anything worthwhile. on my own, i am just another loser writing because i’m not good at much else. if i get my joy from cool music, a decent essay, or some new website feature, i will never stay happy for long. i may as well devote my life to a 4.0 or weekends of ignorant drunken bliss or a continuous cool-guy popularity act (or do the Miami thing and try all three at once). it’s true – my acutely incomplete belief in God does not give me immunity from distractions or depression.

my attitude is not good. it’s not terrible, and i will be ok, and if i were more stubborn i could probably live out my time here in my current mindset. even when i do move on, i will never get over my pride in my intelligence and creativity. i will never stop trying to be independent of my Creator. i can’t say for certain, because i’ve never been an alcoholic or a prostitute, but i’ll assume that my insistence on being insightful is just as spiritually hazardous. as long as i keep trying to accomplish and communicate and persuade as ends in themselves, i’ll have chosen to be stagnant – my attitude will stay “not good.” only when i look to God for my inspiration, only when i keep him in the front of my mind more often, will anything i do benefit myself and others.

and isn’t that the idea?

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 4, Ohio State 2

The Buckeyes team entered this weekend at 6th in the nation. With Ohio State leading the CCHA and Miami trailing close behind, I looked forward to tonight’s game in the home-and-home series. Even more so when I found out that last night, Miami won in Columbus. How about that! Tonight, Ohio State struck first in the opening period with a nasty shot just below the left upper-90. But within minutes, the Redhawks answered. And also broke a panel of the glass in the boards, which was cool. Despite a delay to replace the glass, the period remained tense and ended at 1-1.

Before a third of the second period had ticked away, Miami scored their second goal to take the lead. Again, the Buckeyes answered, and again the period ended tied… this time at 2-2 (for those of you not keeping up with the math). But the third period, the Redhawks took over in a game where both teams had gotten few shots and many penalties. Ohio State failed to answer Miami’s third goal, and with several minutes remaining Miami scored a fourth to seal the deal. 4-2, and the Redhawks ought to move into at least the top 20 with a weekend sweep of Ohio State.

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 5, Alaska Fairbanks 4

I do not know how the Redhawks can score so very much one night, and then have so much trouble the next. I was not in town the weekend Michigan was here… but to win 8-3 one night and lose 2-1 the next seems strange to me. If you glanced over the scores, you noticed that Miami beat the Alaska-Fairbanks Nanooks soundly on Friday, November 21. A 7-1 win is nothing to scoff at (unless of course it’s college kids playing third graders). Enter Saturday.

The Redhawks did not score in the first period. This was frustrating, but would have been acceptable but for the fact that they allowed 2 goals. Yes, the Nanooks only managed one goal the night before (while allowing seven)… but somehow posted two goals in the first period. Furthermore, one of these was shorthanded, and that isn’t cool. The second period brought with it a more successful Miami offense; the first goal was scored by one of the freshmen and was a sweet as-he-was-falling shot. By the end of the second period the game was tied up.

Long story short (I should have written this last night because I’ve already forgotten the details), just when it would look as though the Redhawks had saved it — the Nanooks just kept scoring. The final Nanooks goal was a nasty shot at the upper 90 over our goalie’s left shoulder. But, another Miami freshman brought the game to an end in OT.

7:35pm Goggin Ice Arena
Miami 7, Alaska Fairbanks 1

Redhawk scoring, and lots of it. As you can see by the 7-1 final score, that pretty much sums up this Friday night game against… the “Nanooks”? I guess you have to be from Alaska for that name to sound anything but really funny. I think maybe it’s some kind of polar bear, but I doubt if that’s general knowledge. The team lived up to the name’s funny-ness, sadly for them. I got there with 15:00 left in the second period and the score was already 3-0, Miami. Things were slow for awhile.

Then the third period came around, and the Redhawks started connecting with the back of the net. A bunch. When we scored our fourth goal, the Nanooks pulled their starting goalie. The backup did not do much better, and the Redhawks scored three more goals before the night was over. Unfortunately they did allow Alaska-Fairbanks to score with under four minutes left, ruining the Redhawks’ shutout.

in the car, i thought about writing a poem. the stars look even better through a sunroof… it’s proof that some things are out of industrialization and materialism’s reach. not that i don’t like my sunroof (i do). but i was driving along, not going anywhere, not sure how far i should go before turning around, and thinking that when i get back here (my room) i should try to put that glance of the night sky into words. that was the problem with it – the words. i can never find quite the right ones. so i will stick with ‘regular’ writing over a poem, because a) this way i can focus on ideas instead of every last word, and 2) poetry would only further sappiness-up something already sufficiently sappy, in my opinion.

see, i’m not even looking at the screen right now. except to see how many letters to delete when i horribly tangle up a word, i’m keeping my eyes shut. i don’t know why. mostly i’m hoping this will help me keep on the train of thought, instead of looking back over every sentence as i go along. the problem is, it might not be recognizable when i open my eyes. so earlier, maybe fifteen minutes ago, i was thinking about writing a poem and then about why i shouldn’t and then about how i always end up writing about the writing itself at some point. i don’t know if i’m just really a grammar/english nerd or if it’s easier to write about writing than to even try and write about something else.

tonight i could not handle just dropping off my sister, and driving back home, and doing homework for half an hour before i go to bed. i didn’t have a bad or a great day but it was another thursday, which will be followed by another friday and then a weekend and then another week of “just” days. a drive seemed the only logical conclusion, as it often does when i notice the tank is three-fourths full and the sky is clear. the sky is really, really clear.

i could have seen the stars as easily from in town, even though the city lights dim them a bit. but the town itself is starting to weigh on me for whatever reason and especialy since it’s a weekend night i wanted to get out. i picked the north route because it’s usually most abandoned. i kept going until i found a decent looking route to wander. i had never been here before.

my car might as well have been picked up and dropped in kentucky. i can’t imagine where all those hills came from. subconsciously and then consciously i was looking for a spot to pull over and sit for awhile and give the sky more than a glance through the roof. i found several but did not want to turn around in someone’s driveway. i don’t know what alternative i exepected to find, but i kept driving. at the bottom of another hill i passed a waiting sheriff and remembered that i’m a college guy wandering around at 11:00 on a thursday.

i crossed a set of uneven tracks (the sign said so and it was right) and came to a t-intersection. not wanting to u-turn with the sheriff half a block away, i turned left. i don’t know what road i was on or even what road i turned off of, but home was only a right turn and a few stop signs away. i don’t know where i ended up but it was a small village and i don’t think i’d been there. hard to tell in the dark but even in the dark (or especially in the dark, rather) i felt uncomfortable turning around here. I decided to turn in the middle of a open stretch of road but halfway through the u realized the road led to abrupt four-foot drops on either side. embarassed, i backed up and went to the next driveway and turned in. before i could change my mind a motion light flicked on and despite lights suddenly showing around the next bend i backed out and headed for home. fast.

the stars had been forgotten. even with nowhere to go and nothing to hide i felt nervous. if i stopped on the side of the road, it would take my headlights a few seconds to go out. a few seconds for someone to notice and call the police and send a personal greeter to ask me why i was sitting in my car on the side of the road at night. big deal.

but i did not stop now. even when i passed a smooth place i’d noticed on the way out, i kept going. with classes again in the morning, maybe it was best i not look at the stars for too long.

when town came into view, the city lights looked much wider spread than i remember. i took one final detour down a road whose destination i’d always wondered, but after passing a spooky one-lane bridge with only blackness visible past the high steel frame sides, i decided it was time to be home. cars and houses and pedestrians everywhere were almost welcome sights. people on the sidewalks, people in their houses, people wasting time. how many would have noticed if i’d never turned around?