I read something this fall about the possibility of a “Cash for Clunkers” sort of racket for buying Energy Star appliances starting early 2010. After talking about it a little with my family over Christmas, I thought I’d poke around The Webs to see what the story was.

Lowe’s has some info on their website, but nothing very useful…

Each state will run its own rebate program and will be free to select which ENERGY STAR appliances qualify along with the rebate amounts. Plus, any state or local utility district rebates will be added to the federal Cash for Appliances rebate, which could add up to even greater savings for you!

States will submit their application for funding along with their appliance recycling plan to the Department of Energy (DOE) by October 15, 2009. The DOE plans to have funds available by November 30, 2009, so start planning and selecting your new energy-efficient appliance from Lowe’s today.

So at this point we know there’s federal money set aside from that oh-so-successful stimulus bill, but the rebate amounts, processes, and eligible products will vary by state. Or in other words, we know nothing. To the Dispatch! They provided a helpful update in a Consumer 10 report from 12/27:

This month, the agency approved Ohio’s proposal for using its share of the funds: about $11 million.

The state’s program won’t be finalized until the first quarter of 2010, but some details are available:

Ohio will give almost 90,000 rebates to residents who buy qualified refrigerators, dishwashers, washing machines and water heaters from Ohio retailers.

To be eligible for a rebate, an appliance must bear the federal government’s Energy Star label.

Sounds like a decent deal, if you’re in the market for new appliances – rebates for Ohioans will range from $100 to $250. I’m assuming my appliances have been around for as long as my kitchen, which would make them all 14 years old. Will I be “lucky” enough for something to break during this latest ingenious government plan, or will what I’ve got keep on tickin’ for a few more years?

I’d love if we could keep more of our money, instead of being invited into the shifting miasma of loopholes that high earners must constantly navigate. What will the government reward me for buying or selling this year? How can I take advantage of a maximum number of government programs that are paid for with my money, whether I use them or not? These are questions we should never need to ask, but here we are…

I should start an occasional feature about what a bad idea it is to follow the stock markets.

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Case 1: Ford Motor Company. When the housing bubble burst last fall and took everything with it, I thought about buying shares of F. I thought about how well Ford should do when people realized the world wasn’t ending and decided to buy new American cars not built by a company teetering at the edge of bankruptcy. Ford bottomed out around $1, but I didn’t have cash and didn’t want to sell something else only to second-guess myself later.

Ford closed today at $9.90 a share. I deftly avoided that tenfold gain!

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Case 2: Athersys, Inc. I actually did buy ATHX, a Cleveland company researching adult stem cell therapies, this spring when I was spreading around a little dividend money. I picked up a few interesting penny stocks, partly to diversify my tech-heavy portfolio but mostly for fun. Three hundred of this, three hundred of that, with the hope that more would double or triple than went out of business.

ATHX closed Friday 12/18/09 at $1.00 a share after opening at $1.01 – not too shabby since my cost basis is 64 cents. Yesterday morning, this happened:

Athersys, Inc. (Nasdaq:ATHX) announced today that it has entered into an agreement with Pfizer Inc. (PFE)…

Excellent news! ATHX closed yesterday at $2.40. ATHX closed today at $5.55. Guess which company I bought the least of when I was buying penny stocks in March. When I sold my Cedar Fair shares last Friday, guess how much of that money I invested in what I now know would more than quintuple over the next two days.

Hindsight: A great reason not to dwell on stock prices. Whether I do well or poorly, I always see how easily I could have done better. A bird in the hand, etc. etc…

The latest episodes of Dollhouse and the final few episodes on the Season 1 DVDs make me wish Joss could work something out with Fox where they agree to two and only two seasons. The early Season 1 “what’s this week’s mission?” business with only minor bits of continuity can’t hold a candle to Joss Whedon at his best. For examples of Joss Whedon at his best, refer to Friday’s episodes of Dollhouse.

One of Whedon’s real gifts is for writing lovable – not likable, lovable – characters whose interactions play out so entertainingly that you’re happy to overlook weak plot points. He needs leeway to develop relationships that aren’t obvious to viewers switching on the TV midway through episode nine. He also needs the support of a network willing to endure low ratings (as when Fox renewed Dollhouse for a second season instead of looking for something else to put in its crappy Friday time slot) knowing that his shows move a ton of DVDs.

Dollhouse gets to go out with a bang after some slow buildup because Whedon and company knew it was canceled with 7 episodes left to film. What would season 1 have looked like with an understanding that Fox didn’t need such disconnected episodes? How much better could Firefly have been if Joss sat down to write it knowing he’d have no less and no more than 26 episodes for the stories he wanted to tell?

A cast of excellent characters with stories that play into a cohesive arc – that’s where it’s at. Without ‘em, would I still prefer Firefly and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along-Blog to CSI: Hip City and whatever hospital garbage is popular right now? Probably, but they wouldn’t be half as much fun to watch. To each his own, as long as all these guys get great roles now that Dollhouse is finished filming!

Let your senators know exactly how you feel about Reid’s health care bill! I sent the following to Sherrod Brown, Ohio’s first term Progressive who continues to support support the Reid bill despite its heap of federal programs being less heap-ish than he would like. You can send a message to Senator Brown via the form at http://brown.senate.gov/contact

How do you feel, Senator, about the fact that Nelson’s support for the health care bill is being purchased at cost to Ohio taxpayers? Will you ask Senator Reid to also dedicate federal funds to the cost of Ohio’s increased Medicaid rolls?

I’m a conservative from rural Ohio, and I’m sure there are few policy positions you and I would agree on. But let’s be frank, there are a lot of Ohioans between us on the political spectrum who will wonder why you’ve supported a massive expansion of D.C.’s power that demolishes the state budget. Why commit political suicide for something voters oppose that also compromises your own wishes? Ask Senator Reid to give you all a Christmas break, and see what Ohioans have to say about this bill.

You won’t have Bob Taft and George Bush to whack around like pinatas in the next election, Senator. This is something you really ought to keep in mind unless you’d like to serve just one term.

I noticed the Senator’s office is in the Hart Senate Office Building… no relation. T-minus 10 days before an aide sends some boilerplate response thanking me for my stupid opinion.

Senator Nelson, the last neanderthal holdout preventing a floor vote on The Reid Plan for Progressive Paradise, has a price. You wouldn’t know this if you read the LA Times story, but The New York Times at least mentions in passing that our tax dollars will be devoted to Senator Nelson’s constituents:

The amendment also includes a special extension solely for Nebraska: increased federal contributions to the cost of an expansion of Medicaid, the state-federal insurance program for the poor.

You know Medicaid. Medicaid is that program whose cost to the state of Ohio went from $2.6 billion in 1997 to $4.8 billion in 2006. Medicaid is that program the Democrats in both the House and Senate have chosen to model their horrendous legislation after. Medicaid is one of the several ways President Obama, Senator Reid, and Representative Pelosi have tried to hide the real costs of Obamacare.

But, I’m a conservative. I love war and hate poor people, so I can’t be trusted when I say a new or expanded entitlement program costs too much. How about The Columbus Dispatch?

As Ohio officials try to close an $850 million budget hole, the key U.S. Senate health-care overhaul package could cost Ohio $922 million in additional Medicaid spending in the plan’s first five years.

A shame for the states, but this is about centralizing control in Washington. A bill opposed by the public has to be jammed through before senators are exposed to the disgust of their subjects – and if it takes a little more of our money to get the 60th vote on board, that money is gone. The Washington Post has a quote from Senator Nelson that could easily be applied to the entire health “reform” debacle and attributed to Harry Reid…

“I know this is hard for some of my colleagues to accept and I appreciate their right to disagree,” Nelson told reporters at the Capitol, of the many changes made at his behest. “But I would not have voted for this bill without these provisions.”

My fellow Americans: you don’t want these things, but I do. You can disagree, but you might as well get used to footing the bill. If Harry Reid can’t even cobble together a bill 58 Democrats and 2 Independents will vote to the floor without blatant payoffs, what does that say about his ability to regulate the health insurance and care of 308 million people?

Remember when Barack Obama was running for president, and it was magical because of the cadence of his voice, the unpopularity of President Bush, and the spending habits of the GOP? Remember how millions of moderate voters accepted Obama’s sketchy associations (his America-hating preacher of 20 years, the unapologetic terrorist who helped launch his first political campaign, etc), thin voting record, far-left opinions, and general lack of experience?

Hope. Change. Bull. Sorry, but if you believed a word of it in 2008 you were out of your gourd. If you believe any of it now, you’re… further out of your gourd, I guess? Wonder if he’ll sign the result of this:

WASHINGTON – The Democratic-controlled Senate on Saturday cleared away a Republican filibuster of a huge end-of-year spending bill that rewards most federal agencies with generous budget boosts.

The $1.1 trillion measure combines much of the year’s unfinished budget work – only a $626 billion Pentagon spending measure would remain – into a 1,000-plus-page spending bill that would give the Education Department, the State Department, the Department of Health and Human Services and others increases far exceeding inflation.

I will happily agree that congressmen of all shapes, sizes, and party affiliations funnel too much of our money to groups that support them. But when we’re talking about bureaucracy that stifles production and penalizes the most successful through both regulation and the higher taxes required to fund it, which party spends more? And where is President Obama in all this? He promoted himself as the voice of “smarter government” and bipartisanship; as someone who would “trim the fat” and halt runaway spending. With help from a Democrat-controlled Congress, that’s going great:

Maybe I’m too harsh on President Obama: he is changing some things. Victor Davis Hanson, at National Review, wrote a great article to that effect this week. A highlight -

Foreign policy? It is still “Bush did it,” not reflection on his own rookie errors.

The economy? Jobs saved by borrowing are better metrics than the old unemployment statistics. Blame Bush again, tinker with the stats, and print more money.

Small businesses? Employers are still “they,” who must and will pay higher income and payroll taxes, and higher premiums for medical insurance. They won’t be thanked for their greater contributions; rather, they owe a sort of penance for doing well and creating the nation’s wealth.

Energy? President Obama is on his way to Copenhagen — oblivious to Climategate. He ignores the paradoxes of a planet the last decade slighting cooling, when it is supposed to be radically heating. And he does not worry at all about the effects of new green taxes on the country — when the productive classes may soon be paying 65 percent of their incomes in state and federal taxes and increased insurance premiums.

Harry Reid decided to remind us today – lest anyone forget! – what a giant, sleazy windbag he is, comparing Senate Republicans to opponents of women’s suffrage and supporters of slavery. You can see quotes, in Reid’s patented “wino panhandling outside UDF” rhetorical style, at Fox News, which is too partisan to be considered an actual news source.

It seems like the Progressives running our country are on a perpetual acid trip, reliving the hippie glory days of the ’60s and ’70s and oblivious to the world around them. Harry! We’re really sorry, but if you want to be sprayed by a fire hose or repressed by the government, you may have to move to Iran. You could burn your bra and chant “Hell no, we won’t go!” while smoking pot with some of the president’s Weather Underground crew… but gosh, that would be almost as crazy as what you’re actually doing on a regular basis.

Hope, change, and bipartisan fun times were promised by the Obama campaign, and anyone who saw through that b.s. probably supported slavery. Now the slavery-supporting, lady-hating freedom-ruiners lurking around the U.S. of A. are trying to stop Harry Reid from giving all Americans (legal or otherwise) the free health care and taxpayer subsidized abortions they’ve always wanted. We might as well be living in caves, treating women like property, and slaughtering anyone different from ourselves! But then, regions of Africa and the Middle East already have that stuff nailed down.

In other news, Israeli intelligence reports the Iranians are now capable of producing a nuclear bomb. But I’m sure they won’t! It’s not as if George W. Bush is in charge of the United States anymore.

Did anyone watch Dollhouse tonight? As an assortment of places reported awhile back, Fox is burning through the remaining season two episodes in 2-hour blocks this month, with the final three in January. As ever, Hulu is sure to have both of tonight’s excellent episodes within the next few days!

I don’t say excellent lightly here – I really enjoyed the end of season one and really liked how the Epitaph 1 episode on the season 1 DVDs wrapped things up while leaving ambiguity. I think it’s great how Joss (can I call him Joss? man I’m a dweeb) planned ahead with an episode that essentially said, “this is one of the possible horrendous outcomes of what’s going on in Dollhouse,” without closing any doors on season two.

I loved both episodes tonight, and the first thing I said to my roommate afterward was, “I’m so glad this show was canceled!” Surely, Whedon’s experience with Firefly – Fox airing episodes out of order like total jerkbags before canceling during the first season – prepared him for Dollhouse’s abrupt cancellation. It’s good to see a focused team of writers and producers providing great characters with a worthy plot-line. Nothing sharpens the mind like cancellation! Let me choose between seven top-notch episodes and 21 that are a mix of “cool!” “meh” and “boo,” and I’ll take seven every time.

Enver Gjokaj was born for Dollhouse – I don’t think I’ve seen anyone better at adopting a different voice, attitude, and mannerisms. Ray Wise‘s cameo tonight was good. Summer Glau was better than I expected in that her role wasn’t the same one I’ve always seen her in, and she played it very convincingly. If I have one complaint, it’s that Eliza Dushku is too sexy. It seems somehow… unsafe.

I’m looking forward to the final seven episodes, hopeful that tonight was an indicator of the fun twists and madness we can expect!