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Archive for September, 2003

gap

by hart - Sunday, 09-28-03, 10:22:08pm

Something is missing. A part of our lives that we need in order to be whole… is not there. This is the way everyone feels, whether rarely or constantly, and this is a feeling we try to overcome. There is a solution to the problem. And it isn’t a car, or a better girlfriend, or a cool new whatever. These things can be enough of a distraction, though, for us to ignore the ache caused by an empty space in our hearts. Attempting perfection through belongings and relationships is the first alternative to seeking out the God who designed us to connect with him. The others - denial and plain, frustrated anger - are equally effective and costly.

Everyone wants to be happy. And everyone wants to feel as though he or she is contributing something. Only the most extremely spaced-out academics would argue against these truths. But even when we accept what we undeniably feel, we tend to take the feeling for granted and leave it at that. The source of these longings is a dangerous, complicated topic that usually seems better left unanswered. Denial is pretty easy when we are scared of the answers. It gets easier with practice, until only your worst days stir the shouting in your soul - something is missing.

Obsession with unimportant things goes hand in hand with denial. If a bad day were all it took for people to seek real truth and turn their lives around, the world would be very different. But instead, when everything goes wrong we can blame lack of posessions or power. Immediately I can think of lots of cool stuff that maybe, if I could get my hands on, would fill the gap in me. This basic idea is the foundation for the very lives of many people: ie. “when I get out of school and get a good job, my sense of pointlessness will go away.” Sound familiar? From then on, the variety of potential achievements, experiences, and belongings available to me could probably occupy me for the rest of my life. A new car every few years, an attractive wife who shares my sense of humor… that should do it.

And this is a shame. If I work hard enough in school and at my job, I can make enough money and meet enough people to keep me distracted and denying the emptiness underneath it all. That’s it. All a person would have to do is ignore the longing that still surfaces once in awhile and maybe learn to be content with less than they’d originally planned. Again, this is what a great many people do - and enough people do it well that it’s become self perpetuating. The American dream of climbing the ladder and partying it out when you reach your desired level is popular, visible, and easy enough to imitate.

But obviously, something that requires success and money will not work for everyone. Capitalism really is a brutal thing and if you don’t have the right skills, work ethic, or timing well that’s just too bad. So you get stuck at the bottom, or knocked down part way, or just not as far as you want. The natural human reaction is to get angry, so that’s what we do. And rather than realize what we’re fighting for is pointless, our bitterness often spreads through every aspect of life. Whether we give up or keep plugging along, we’ve become mad at the world. Someone angry at the world is not likely to believe it was created by a loving God.

So, one way or another, pride has its way of making us so self-centered we cannot believe in anything bigger than us. For any or all of the above three reasons, God is cornered out of our lives. Not a good idea. God is the only thing capable of answering our deepest longings and making us worthwhile. He did create us to have fun but more so to experience true, unconditional love — which is not possible apart from him. Obviously I haven’t lived an entire lifetime but I’m not so sure that reduces my credibility. Maybe if I’d tried for 40 years instead of 18, perfection would have come to me and brought me peace. I say this sarcastically, but maybe people out there would agree.

Also sad is the fact that nothing I say can convince someone their frustrations are needless. I can’t write based on honesty and leave out the fact that, honestly, I know I can’t persuade people to give up their obsessions and ask God to step in where they’ve failed. Thankfully I do believe I have some degree of talent in writing, and if my words might bring one person a little closer to God that’s awesome. A real, daily relationship with God is possible thanks to Jesus and while it does not involve any strange religious voodoo it does require admitting you need Him. The decision is yours.

Are you a skeptic? by Josh McDowell
Ancient evidence for Jesus from ‘non-Christian’ sources by Christianity.com

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Redhawks Football vs. Cincy, 9-27-03

by hart - Saturday, 09-27-03, 02:30:59pm

2:00pm Yager Stadium
Miami 42, Cincinnati 37

Well the Redhawks should have really killed the Bearcats. At first things were scary - Roethlisberger had a couple early interceptions. But the Hawks pulled away and the game was ugly and I was pretty sure they would win by 30. Probably EVERYONE was pretty sure they were going to win by 30 because it was a three touchdown game and the Hawks showed no signs of slowing down. Then bad things started to happen (I left for the concession stand) and somehow UC scored. Then they tried an onside kick, which we recovered…somehow our offense had crapped out though. Two onside kicks and some more frustrating UC scoring later, the game ended with the Hawks still on top but the lead reduced to 42-37. But, a W is a W…

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heals

by hart - Sunday, 09-21-03, 09:41:43am

life is not a one-way street
though one way we may shuffle
now, why am i racing?
already i have won
my head is not made of meat
so i don’t need huge muscles

shallow girls are trouble
and lifting is not fun
my car may not be a ‘vette
as such, why should i worry?
plenty nice, not the best
a few more years - it’s gone
savings? i’ve got this town beat
few college students have
money to spare; i should

leave well enough alone
few can take the classroom heat
and most of those obsess
i try to not flip out…
school’s pointlessness is known
it’s when i accept defeat
though rarely i am willing
that things fall into place
why do i try to run?

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heels

by hart - Saturday, 09-20-03, 09:40:00am

where will i plant my feet?
i keep trying to keep steady
but even the level ground
is crooked here
can i look good enough?
i am thin and not ugly
but all the cool guys around

make me look bad
where should i park my car?
it is faster than many
but sure not the fastest, and
black scratches easy
how shall i best invest?
i’ve saved quite a few pennies
but if i improve my plan
i’d have much more

and if i make dean’s list?
the best grades will not last
once they’re marked, in the end
back to zero next spring
i will never keep up –
even leaves skipping past
on the street in the wind
more tension seem to bring

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Shutdown

by hart - Wednesday, 09-17-03, 10:20:18am

I cannot find a line
between sing-song and bland;
Between melodramatic and dismal.
I’ve overused all my favorite

song lyrics - they feel worn out
Can I think of a movie quote to apply?
Not off-hand — Please understand,
Even if I could write notes for guitar
I would not try to write them for this
It would be too much effort
…and at the same time, could not do justice
Maybe I’ll backtrack
tomorrow and try

To make just a few more
lines rhyme.
After all, it’s late
and maybe something
big will happen
Tomorrow
Maybe someone will show up
Who gives me a reason to daydream
Not that things

Are dark right now –
They’re actually real good
But it would seem
This feeling I don’t have
is one I should
I’m not depressed,
Not burned out or
even worn down;
Just tired.

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Daily

by hart - Tuesday, 09-02-03, 09:47:51am

Another day has come and gone
Decisions faced, paths laid
Now night brings darkness
and regret for mistakes that you’ve made

But darkness also brings out self
and silence - honesty
Admit your faults, face the deceit
Embrace simplicity…

Though one more day, however spent
Is now just memory
a new day comes, an infant chance
To choose heroically.

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